April 16, 2014

Monkeys Cash in on New World Order, So Can You

With all the bloviating going on about illegal immigrants taking jobs from Americans,  little attention has been focused on primates—NAFTA-loving wily apes and monkeys with job skills. Some have turned up on network news, while others have used their computer skills to impact DJs and their bottom line.

But there are solutions.

“We have seen a huge decrease in photomontage sales over the last couple years,” says DJ Jody Amos. “But we are now selling more screens and projectors instead.  It seems as if every client has a friend or younger brother (Ed: code for Monkey) than can put a montage together using their basic video editors that come with their new computers.  They never meet our standards and they are often horrendous or lengthy and boring, but clients don’t seem to mind if they can save a few bucks.  We are trying to stay ahead of the curve by improving the over all creativity of our montages with various 3D effects as well as childhood and courtship video clips.

“Up lighting, monogram gobos, table lighting and breakup patterns are a huge trend right now for weddings. Many wedding clients are pulling back on the Special Effect lighting and putting more money into overall ambient lighting.  That is our biggest up-seller and probably the only division of our company with a substantial rise.  The key is to find a professional photographer who can take stunning photos of lighting (because not all of them can).  Use these photos on your website, brochures, email documents and hang a few in your office and you’ll get every bride’s attention.”

Take that, Dr. Zaius.

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