Breaking News: Mitzvah Kids are Evil

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There, we’ve said it. The only thing between you and completing a satisfying $1,500+ gig is a phalanx of snot-nosed urchins mouthing off and bossing you around, or playing “Pin the DJ in the water-closet.” Without sullying your pristine reputation in the community, or losing time and money in a lengthy trial for stuffing a minor into the trunk of a Toyota, what to do?

Most DJs we spoke with recommend using “kid gloves”—filled with plaster.

“Our dancers are really good at pulling a kid to the side and changing his or her attitude,” says Mark Ashe of Marx Entertainment. “This is a delicate situation because even though someone might be a distraction to the party, he also might be a future client.”

Or, you can try the opposite approach, which can be equally effective in taming these tween-terrors: ignore them. And if they don’t respond, take it off-microphone. “I talk with them so they’ll be aware that I feel they are being rude or distracting,” says J.R. Silva. “I even say things like, ‘How did you get on the guest list? It doesn’t seem like you’re aware of why we’re all here tonight.’ At times I have had to threaten the youngsters that I will contact the event sponsors and have them asked to leave. But that rarely happens once they understand how much I care for the event and my client.”